Occasionally, I'll look at my boys and get a glimpse of what they'll look like older...my little men. Bitter-sweet tears usually erupt, but I know it's inevitable-them growing-doesn't mean I wish they could stay little forever...or at least a little longer.
Sometimes it's in a new word or look or the way Connor says something or the way Jude's face is growing out of baby and into toddler.
I wonder what kind of men they'll be. If I'm doing it right. If I could have done something better...to make them better.
I wonder who they'll love, what kind of friends they'll keep, if they'll still need me when they're grown.
God has complete control of their futures, but I can't help but hope that I'm doing His will for their lives right now.
All the little hugs and kisses I get from them makes me want to shelter them and keep them small and close with me.
I knew the responsibility that we were taking on as parents when God blessed us with these boys, but I never fully realized how much my heart would break just trying to contain all my love for them.
Being a mom is THE HARDEST challenge I have ever and will ever have.
I pray for my boys future: that they would love and honor God above all, be happy and fulfilled in their lives.
But for right now, I pray for patience in learning along with them what our relationship is and is going to be.
God has given my husband and I an immense responsibility and blessing. The joy they bring completely out-weights the work. I wouldn't have it any other way and I pray that one day they'll look back and tell me I was a good mom.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Little Feet
The little baby feet in our house have been quite busy lately!!
Connor turned two years old a couple days ago and it seems to have arrived way too fast! We finally had the time to move Connor into a "big-boy-bed" and last night was the first (of many, I'm sure) night that Derek and I were awoken to a little face next to our bed wanting to come sleep with us. He's been doing really well not getting out of the bed, in fact he loves the bed, but I knew this was coming. Ahh....4am wake-up call from a 2yr old...
Our baby Jude is now 7 1/2 months, but is trying to keep up with Connor already. He is pulling himself up to standing on Connor's bed and anything else that is the right height for him! He is the happiest and most content baby so I am very blessed!
I wish I could just stop time and let these baby feet stop growing, but I'm enjoying seeing them take "new steps" everyday.
Connor turned two years old a couple days ago and it seems to have arrived way too fast! We finally had the time to move Connor into a "big-boy-bed" and last night was the first (of many, I'm sure) night that Derek and I were awoken to a little face next to our bed wanting to come sleep with us. He's been doing really well not getting out of the bed, in fact he loves the bed, but I knew this was coming. Ahh....4am wake-up call from a 2yr old...
Our baby Jude is now 7 1/2 months, but is trying to keep up with Connor already. He is pulling himself up to standing on Connor's bed and anything else that is the right height for him! He is the happiest and most content baby so I am very blessed!
I wish I could just stop time and let these baby feet stop growing, but I'm enjoying seeing them take "new steps" everyday.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My Days
Two hands has this mother
Two eyes have I
Two boys with endless energy
And not enough time
Already there are dishes to be washed
Breakfast to be made
Crayons mark the floor
And laughter heard from my babes
Morsels for their mouths
Like fuel on a fire
Like the feeding the lions
And their roars can be heard for miles
Walking the toy dotted floors
Carrying baskets of laundry to be folded
Noticing items that need dusting
And smiling at the helpers that have followed
Errands to run
Friends to visit
Quick hopping in and out of the car
And my boys are reaching their limits
Nap time is nearing
I can tell by the whining
My patience is thinning
And I’m the one nearly crying
Running through the lawn
Playing in grass and sand
Happiness is imminent when dirt is at hand
And bath time will soon be calling
Book after book is brought to be read
The pushing of cars, trucks and trains to be had
Waiting for daddy makes two anxious boys
And laughter and hugs when he arrives
Running and wrestling
Boys-only time has arrived
There’s no room for Mommy
And I’m pushed aside
Soon they will return
Whey hungry tummies are calling
Or a boy is in need of a boo-boo to be kissed
And both will be doled out with love and a smile
Now arrives the time to wash away all of our day
With bubbles and bath toys
Splashing, swimming and soaping
And wrapping dry clean, happy boys
Two cuddling boys has this mother
Two sleepy eyes have I
Two boys that bless this home
And not enough of this precious time
Two eyes have I
Two boys with endless energy
And not enough time
Already there are dishes to be washed
Breakfast to be made
Crayons mark the floor
And laughter heard from my babes
Morsels for their mouths
Like fuel on a fire
Like the feeding the lions
And their roars can be heard for miles
Walking the toy dotted floors
Carrying baskets of laundry to be folded
Noticing items that need dusting
And smiling at the helpers that have followed
Errands to run
Friends to visit
Quick hopping in and out of the car
And my boys are reaching their limits
Nap time is nearing
I can tell by the whining
My patience is thinning
And I’m the one nearly crying
Running through the lawn
Playing in grass and sand
Happiness is imminent when dirt is at hand
And bath time will soon be calling
Book after book is brought to be read
The pushing of cars, trucks and trains to be had
Waiting for daddy makes two anxious boys
And laughter and hugs when he arrives
Running and wrestling
Boys-only time has arrived
There’s no room for Mommy
And I’m pushed aside
Soon they will return
Whey hungry tummies are calling
Or a boy is in need of a boo-boo to be kissed
And both will be doled out with love and a smile
Now arrives the time to wash away all of our day
With bubbles and bath toys
Splashing, swimming and soaping
And wrapping dry clean, happy boys
Two cuddling boys has this mother
Two sleepy eyes have I
Two boys that bless this home
And not enough of this precious time
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thankfulness
My birthday is coming up in two days and I feel like this is a bigger birthday than most have been before. Passing up my early 20's (those younger say I am old and those older say I'm still a baby, but...) feels like a big one! 26!
So I've been thinking about the past couple of years and how much my life has changed and WOW it's has been amazing! Time seems to have slipped by without my even realizing it was happening so quickly.
I was looking at my son, Connor, Easter morning and started crying (tears of joy) because it just seems to be going too fast. It just seems like yesterday when he was Jude's size!
God has blessed me so richly with my husband and boys and I am so thankful, especially on this birthday, for everyday.
So I've been thinking about the past couple of years and how much my life has changed and WOW it's has been amazing! Time seems to have slipped by without my even realizing it was happening so quickly.
I was looking at my son, Connor, Easter morning and started crying (tears of joy) because it just seems to be going too fast. It just seems like yesterday when he was Jude's size!
God has blessed me so richly with my husband and boys and I am so thankful, especially on this birthday, for everyday.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
oh...poop!!
If you asked me ten years ago (I was a freshman in college-oye vay!) could I ever imagine being thrilled at the act of pooping (my child-not me!)? I would have said no way! BUT I am!! THRILLED!
My son, Connor, just turned 18 months old and for the first time tonight went poop on the potty by himself! Now I know this seems trivial to some, but to those parents who have gone through it-you understand.
The only thing is he might be a little scared to get back on...see he went to the potty, flushed and was so proud he wanted to get back on, but slipped and fell in!! resulting in tears! I was laughing, but he didn't find it so funny.
After changing diapers for the last year and a half (double the last two months) the sight of the beginning of potty training is just beautiful!!! I know this is probably a rare occurrence since he is so young, but there is a light a the end of this diapered tunnel!
My son, Connor, just turned 18 months old and for the first time tonight went poop on the potty by himself! Now I know this seems trivial to some, but to those parents who have gone through it-you understand.
The only thing is he might be a little scared to get back on...see he went to the potty, flushed and was so proud he wanted to get back on, but slipped and fell in!! resulting in tears! I was laughing, but he didn't find it so funny.
After changing diapers for the last year and a half (double the last two months) the sight of the beginning of potty training is just beautiful!!! I know this is probably a rare occurrence since he is so young, but there is a light a the end of this diapered tunnel!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
why is my job not considered a "job"?
Babies don't come with directions on the back or batteries that can be removed. Motherhood is twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You can't "leave the office".
-Patricia Schroeder
It makes me upset (or if I'm being honest-really mad and frustrated) when someone asks me what I do and I say I'm a stay-at-home mom of two boys and the look I get is dismissive. Like I've given an unreal answer-"that's not a job-that's an excuse to put your feet up and eat bon-bons all day" kind of look.
I've worked and had "real" jobs since I was fourteen years old and I've never been so exhausted or so rewarded as I have been the last 18months. 9-5 is not an option; there's no paycheck every friday, but everyday I'm blessed beyond any monetary benefits; vacation and time-off is getting a hot shower without interruption; if I get sick I still have to have to "show up"; my bosses are 18 and 2 months old and mean business!
My husband owns his own business and works incredibly hard, which affords me the joy of being able to take care of our home and be with our boys full-time. I don't think I could ever do this "job" and enjoy it nearly as much as I do if I didn't have him. For those moms or even dads who don't have their other half to help with the raising of their children-my kudos. I have no idea how they manage.
My husband is the reason I'm so incredibly happy. God has blessed us with our beautiful boys who have made our family so full and rich.
My days are not always scheduled and I have to go-with-the-flow and that usually includes twice the amount of normal laundry because a baby got sick or had a full diaper that didn't stay in the diaper. Going to the grocery store with a toddler and an infant takes more planning and energy than I usually have. My quiet time is when I can manage to have both boys down for the night and I have about 30min. before I'm nodding off myself. If I can get my infant to take a nap at the same time as my toddler, therefore getting a nap myself-it is sheer bliss!! Watching my son be so excited with such simple things like chasing him around the house and giving horsey rides or reading a book together is the greatest!! My infant up and screaming to be nursed in the middle of the night and my toddler having the biggest smile on his face because he learned a new word are both enough to drive me to tears. Knowing that God has entrusted such precious gifts to my husband and I to raise is enough to scare the breath out of me.
I am constantly trying to become what God is requiring of me, but always fall short. Proverbs 31:10-31 is the woman I want to be and am growing towards. Being a wife and a mom is the greatest "job" God has blessed me with and all the tears and exhaustion are no match for all the baby rolls, kisses and laughs!!
*note*: if you are wondering how I managed the time to type this-Multitasking is a part of motherhood. ie: nursing the baby (and balancing the laptop on the boppy) while getting my toddler to fill up a bucket with all his toys, dumping them out and doing it all over again allows me the time to type (but not for long!).
-Patricia Schroeder
It makes me upset (or if I'm being honest-really mad and frustrated) when someone asks me what I do and I say I'm a stay-at-home mom of two boys and the look I get is dismissive. Like I've given an unreal answer-"that's not a job-that's an excuse to put your feet up and eat bon-bons all day" kind of look.
I've worked and had "real" jobs since I was fourteen years old and I've never been so exhausted or so rewarded as I have been the last 18months. 9-5 is not an option; there's no paycheck every friday, but everyday I'm blessed beyond any monetary benefits; vacation and time-off is getting a hot shower without interruption; if I get sick I still have to have to "show up"; my bosses are 18 and 2 months old and mean business!
My husband owns his own business and works incredibly hard, which affords me the joy of being able to take care of our home and be with our boys full-time. I don't think I could ever do this "job" and enjoy it nearly as much as I do if I didn't have him. For those moms or even dads who don't have their other half to help with the raising of their children-my kudos. I have no idea how they manage.
My husband is the reason I'm so incredibly happy. God has blessed us with our beautiful boys who have made our family so full and rich.
My days are not always scheduled and I have to go-with-the-flow and that usually includes twice the amount of normal laundry because a baby got sick or had a full diaper that didn't stay in the diaper. Going to the grocery store with a toddler and an infant takes more planning and energy than I usually have. My quiet time is when I can manage to have both boys down for the night and I have about 30min. before I'm nodding off myself. If I can get my infant to take a nap at the same time as my toddler, therefore getting a nap myself-it is sheer bliss!! Watching my son be so excited with such simple things like chasing him around the house and giving horsey rides or reading a book together is the greatest!! My infant up and screaming to be nursed in the middle of the night and my toddler having the biggest smile on his face because he learned a new word are both enough to drive me to tears. Knowing that God has entrusted such precious gifts to my husband and I to raise is enough to scare the breath out of me.
I am constantly trying to become what God is requiring of me, but always fall short. Proverbs 31:10-31 is the woman I want to be and am growing towards. Being a wife and a mom is the greatest "job" God has blessed me with and all the tears and exhaustion are no match for all the baby rolls, kisses and laughs!!
*note*: if you are wondering how I managed the time to type this-Multitasking is a part of motherhood. ie: nursing the baby (and balancing the laptop on the boppy) while getting my toddler to fill up a bucket with all his toys, dumping them out and doing it all over again allows me the time to type (but not for long!).
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