The future...

Occasionally, I'll look at my boys and get a glimpse of what they'll look like older...my little men. Bitter-sweet tears usually erupt, but I know it's inevitable-them growing-doesn't mean I wish they could stay little forever...or at least a little longer.

Sometimes it's in a new word or look or the way Connor says something or the way Jude's face is growing out of baby and into toddler.

I wonder what kind of men they'll be. If I'm doing it right. If I could have done something better...to make them better.
I wonder who they'll love, what kind of friends they'll keep, if they'll still need me when they're grown.
God has complete control of their futures, but I can't help but hope that I'm doing His will for their lives right now.
All the little hugs and kisses I get from them makes me want to shelter them and keep them small and close with me.

I knew the responsibility that we were taking on as parents when God blessed us with these boys, but I never fully realized how much my heart would break just trying to contain all my love for them.

Being a mom is THE HARDEST challenge I have ever and will ever have.

I pray for my boys future: that they would love and honor God above all, be happy and fulfilled in their lives.
But for right now, I pray for patience in learning along with them what our relationship is and is going to be.

God has given my husband and I an immense responsibility and blessing. The joy they bring completely out-weights the work. I wouldn't have it any other way and I pray that one day they'll look back and tell me I was a good mom.